This morning when I plugged you in, I had no idea that it would be the last time. Everything started off normally. When I flipped the switch, your air blew as hot and strong as ever. For a few minutes, I basked in the luxury of your soothing warmth. And then it happened.
I heard a high-pitched, grating sound, and your fan came to a screeching halt. Puzzled, I stared down the barrel of your nozzle. Within its dark cavern, your heating coils blazed neon red. I felt a pang of guilt. You see, I never read your instruction manual. I took your hot air for granted. After I waved the smoke from my face and laid you gently on your side, I saw that your air vent was covered with lint. No vent means no air, and no air means no cooling. Your poor little coils never stood a chance. They finally overheated and gave out.
But despite my decades of neglect, you harbored no ill-will towards me. You didn’t burn my house down with a vigilante spark of justice, or shock me with one last surge of current. For this, and many other things, I will be eternally grateful to you.
I am grateful for our time together. Through the ’90’s, 2000’s, and 2010’s, you’ve witnessed my many hair transformations. Big ‘dos, little ‘dos, curly ‘dos, straight ‘dos. Bunching and scrunching, and spraying and displaying. Your hot air has cemented the four-inch waterfall of my Aqua Net bangs, and warmed my tinted waves over the steel bristles of a large-barreled brush. You’ve seen me on my good hair days and my bad hair days and through it all, you never passed judgement.
And so, my friend, Jheri Rhedding II Pro 1500, I salute you and your decades of hot air. I’ve never heard of such steadfast service from another hair dryer, and I expect that I never will again. You were one of a kind and I will never forget you.